PEOPLE in Merseyside must be getting "festivaled out." 

I keep coming home at night finding bunting in my pockets and in my hair.

But there is a great appetite from the public for such celebrations to digitally detox from daily life and keep minds off austerity.

Last week, Liverpool enjoyed its River Festival hot on the "keels" of the Three Queens visit. All this flag-waving made me think why can't Wirral have a River Festival?

Wirral has its own wonderful maritime legacy – from New Brighton to West Kirby, Hilbre Island to our ferry terminals.

The river has two sides – let's see some celebrations on Wirral's side that isn't just watching what's happening in Liverpool.

IT IS 40 years since I failed my first driving test. This nostalgic moment came to me when I discovered that the test is now 80 years old.

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My first test featured unintentional comic moments that would have made a great plot for Carry On Learner.

I was asked by my Basil Fawlty look-a-like examiner to read the number plate of the car 100 yards ahead. Squinting, I said: "what car?" It didn’t bode well.

As he told me to drive on I clumsily switched on the windscreen wipers.

Then the barrier on the car park exit fell down on my car bonnet. I wished I had installed windscreen wipers on my specs such was the volume of sweat pouring down.

Along the way I also did an extra emergency stop – a bonus for Basil.

But the clamp on my driving dreams came when I stopped at a zebra crossing and a woman who lived next door recognised me, came over, tapped on my window and asked how my mum was?

I mouthed her to go away. I made it back to the test centre and was handed my rejection slip. I read the form and laughed out loud when I saw the date: Friday the 13th.

An omen indeed and one I remember fondly as I celebrate 40 years as a pedestrian and look ahead to my free bus pass.

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TALENT shows really have gone to the dogs – literally.

Britain's Got Talent awarded its major prize of £250,000 and an appearance at the Royal Variety Performance to a dog called Matisse – and the trainer of course.

This is the second time the accolade has been handed to a multi-tasking pooch.

However, controversy surrounded a stunt-double canine being used for a tightrope sequence in the final. Voters felt duped, ensuring that top dog Simon Cowell had to apologise.

But why the fuss? Doggie stunt doubles have been used throughout TV and film history.

There was more than one Lassie and when it came to the movie Marley and Me there were numerous golden Labradors used.

And I know there is not just one Sweep (Sooty’s pal). The question is why are animals and humans put together in a show of this nature? Why not have a spin-off? Britain's Got Talented Pets being the way forward.

Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

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MANY football fans are at a loose end as they look ahead to the start of he soccer season in August. Solution – solve the football Rubik's Cube.

Yes, the famous brain toy is now out in a novel form.

Instead of those pesky multi-coloured originals (350m of them exist) you can try and piece together the badges and logos of our top clubs including Liverpool FC’s crest.

But it's just as hard to do as the original, believe me.

Apparently, at the world Rubik’s Cube championships this week, an American kid managed to do the conventional cube in just over five seconds.

I took five minutes to even get the wrapping off my first one.

But why stop at football logos? How about a special personalised version featuring a photo of your loved one with the message "every time I see you I go to pieces."

AND finally... At his recent question and answer segment at an Audience with Stan Boardman show I asked the Wirral-based comedian what would be on his tombstone. Quick as a flash, he said "Peter Grant should be lying here instead of me."

Cue music from The Twilight Zone.

Peter Grant