TODAY is National Lumpy Rug day – a time to appreciate a good, clean mat and incorporate that into spring cleaning.

The other variation is to look at NLR Day as sweeping unwelcome facts and issues that you do not want to deal with "under the rug".

With either variation, it is a day to take action – politicians take note.

It is also National Wear Two Different Coloured Shoes Day – another man-made idea to brighten up our dull, daily calendars.

I now propose the Inferno 24-Hour "Stress Amnesty Day". 

I call it: "Can You Please Stop Doing That Day".

A plea to those uncaring culprits in society to give us all a break – just for one day:

Theatre-goers: Stop rustling sweet bags in the theatre and cinema.

Don't talk during performances and try to concentrate and respect the actors and the audience.

Commuters: Stop trying to get on board trains and buses before letting other people get off. It's downright rude and a safety hazard.

Oh, and stop renewing ticket passes at railway stations during peak hour times.

Banks / post offices: Stop closing counters at busy lunch times. We're paying your wages after all.

Social media saddos: Stop sending out Facebook and Twitter posts telling us what you had for breakfast – we are not remotely interested.

Ant and Dec: Stop appearing on anything that says 'light entertainment'. Please take a holiday.

Call centres: Stop calling. Full stop.

Politicians (all parties, established and prospective): Stop avoiding answering questions. We the voters need to know what you really think.

Remember, we have two elections: Metro Mayor tomorrow and on June 8, the big one.

We can vote you in and we can vote you out. Just give us some truth to help us make our considered decisions on both of these life-changing days.

As for tomorrow, it's national Star Wars Day... so May the 4th be with you (Ahem).



What on earth were they thinking of?

Many zero-hours Tate Gallery staff also on low pay were asked to buy a leaving "gift" for their boss Nicholas Serota – a boat!

Tate director Sir Nicholas is to leave this month after 28 years at the galleries.

A notice in the staff rooms asked people to chip in so he could be bought a boat. Were they having a laugh?

Whatever happened to the gold clock?

I am all for whip-rounds saying "tara and good luck" to people you have worked with, but this ill-thought-out gesture was destined to sink.

Not the send-off into the sunset the organisation were hoping for as staff queued up to complain on national radio phone-ins.


LEGENDS Dulcie Gray and Michael Denison were the theatrical equivalent of Sonny and Cher or John and Yoko.

Now Wirral residents Billy and Lesley Butler are a showbiz couple gaining a reputation for appearing together on our local boards.

Years ago DJ Billy and actress Lesley appeared in panto together.

Since then they have appeared in Stan Boardman's Medals and his crazy court room drama set in St George's Hall as well as appearing in the Cammell Laird-musical Down Our Street.

Billy has replaced the much-missed Mickey Finn in theatre roles.

Now the super-troupers will appear together in the Blitz-themed Red Skies at the Gladstone Theatre from this Friday for a short run.

Break a leg each, Billy and Les – theatrically speaking, that is.



It is rumoured that despite finding the job harder than he thought it would be, President Trump is already talking about a second term.

And yet he has only just completed 100 controversial days in the White House.

Yet how did he choose to mark this momentous benchmark?

By having another go at the media with his own 'Harrisburg Address' – more than 100 miles from Washington.

He snubbed the Correspondents' Dinner which every sitting President usually attends.

But instead of sitting and taking it on his orange chin, he went to meet his fans.

The media, in his absence, simply used the platform to declare their only mission – to tell the truth.

Fake News wasn#t on the menu for this dinner.

After his own 100 days in office here’s what Abraham Lincoln said of the job: "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power".

I must tweet Donald with this piece of advice.


SIR Ken Dodd (how tickled I am to write that) praises New Brighton in the latest bright and breezy 2017 free visitor guide to the town.

Doddy compares it to the Cote D'Azur.

They share the same climate, which he calls "raining sunshine".

The comedian (who will be 90 in November) will be appearing at the resort's Floral Pavilion on May 28.

He says his parents met in the town.

It's where they 'clicked' at the famous Ham and Egg Parade.

But did he know that 100 years this month the forward-looking council brought the famous property for £41,000 with the aim of demolishing it?

By Jove!


AND finally ... the mother of all headline-making comebacks.

One tabloid screamed BLAIR REFORMS

What next? Oasis?

Peter Grant