EIGHT days to go and make no bones about Halloween it's going to get a lot scarier as ghouls rush in ... and the ghost of Guy Fawkes is spotted hiding in the House of Commons.

A lot of spooky things can happen between now and October 31 as the events of the past seven days have shown.

I dread Yellowhammer and I'm not referring to a Marvel comic hero.

Harold Wilson, first head boy at Wirral Grammar School, once piped up that a week is 'a long time in politics.'

That was then - this is now.

Harold's iconic statement is suitably archived along with James Callaghan's 'Crisis what crisis?'

The ever-changing bumbling, baffling and bewildering Brexit has meant that our daily media headlines are as unpredictable as the British weather.

These days each and every day is a 'very long time in politics.'

And our PM is in his despatch box element displaying more lucky lives than your average black cat.

One thing is certain amid all the Brexit banter - we will have a general election at some stage.

That's where we have our say.

So it is essential that every single vote we are given is used and not - as in some worrying cases - wasted.

In the UK we suffer from outbreaks of 'bumfiddle' which means the spoiling of papers or official documents.

We need a new campaign: 'don't be care less ... and show you couldn't care less.'

The world-weary electorate has all had enough of spoilt MPs bickering for the last three and a half years.

Time now to eradicate 'spoilt' voting papers - once and for all.

Whether deliberate or accidental they must be tackled.

Every vote is a voice that should be heard and every single ballot form is precious.

So let's respect them and reduce bumfiddling once and for all.


BREXIT blues are the only songs we hear coming out of the metaphorical Westminster jukeboxes.

Brexit and showbiz are not good bedfellows.

While we mere mortals cope with Brexit three of our much-loved pop stars have spoken out about their views on the current chaos and with almost on stage telepathic agreement.

This year I have reviewed for the Globe three 'five star' concerts by living legends all celebrating 50 years in the music business: Leo Sayer (71) Gilbert O'Sullivan (72) both at New Brighton's Floral Pavilion and Chris De Burgh (70) at the Liverpool Phil.

Each summed up there views in just one exacerbated word when they sighed: 'Brexit!' then shook their heads.

Nothing more was said.

They knew fans had come out to escape it all.

I can, however, suggest an ideal '70s rock anthem for use at Brexit parties and protest marches.

Cue The Eagles and Hotel California.

Please, dear reader, sing along to these very apt lyrics: 'You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.'


JUST what the doctor ordered ... at last.

I have never been a fan of the TV series Doc Martin featuring the bad tempered general practitioner.

That is until the gossip column TV Talk revealed that there is a splendid 'in joke' going on within the script.

Viewers can now enjoy some of the funny names bellowed out by Martin Clunes as the grumpy medic when he summons his waiting room patients in for a consultation.

In the past there has been: Wendy Hause Albert Ross and Honor Todd.

Take your time ... they sink in eventually.

This has got me thinking for future characters. Welcome: Neil Down, Frank Debate and Bob Slay.

Hey, Doc, this is infectious.


TEARS of a clown ... and I don't mean Joaquin Phoenix who is Oscar-tipped for his performance in the Batman prequel Joker.

While discussing the new film I was asked by a radio broadcaster which stand-up comedian has made me cry with laughter?

Without doubt - Billy Connolly at the Liverpool Empire.

The Big Yin put a huge grin on my face sporting a back leotard and bizarre Banana boots.

It was an unforgettable introduction to sublime storytelling.

His tale of being so drunk he couldn't find his way out of a phone box is still the greatest case for going tee-total.

I was also asked who was the last comic to make me cry ... Billy Connolly again.

Only this time with tears of a different kind.

It was Billy in a recent TV interview recalling the day his American doctor told him he had incurable Parkinson's Disease.

"Why didn't he say they are still looking fur a cure", sighed Billy. "Give people a light at the end of the tunnel?'



HOPE, indeed, springs eternal.

ONE TV chef turned social activist gets a five star (non-Michelin) review from me for giving movers and shakers food for thought.

You would think he would have enough on his plate, but environmentally friendly Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall wants to attract people back into town and city centres by installing 50 free drinking water fountains.

I'll drink to this idea.

Let's hope it whets the appetites of our unimaginative council planners.

He calls his plan for accessible free water - which reduces plastic bottle saturation on our streets - a 'no brainer.'

Alas, Hugh, what they said about Brexit.


And finally ....

Wuff justice.

A new report from Petplan says owning a canine is ideal when wooing a potential romantic partner.

Bottom of the list are lizards and tarantulas.

And that explains why my first date was such a wash out - she clearly didn't want to come up and see my collection of slugs.

Peter Grant