WHEN did Deal or No Deal return to our screens?

The game show involving the opening and closing of what looked like red despatch boxes and a mysterious unseen, string-pulling broker seems to have made a sneak telly comeback.

There's now only two players and only one will go on to win the big prize.

This new game show is called Follow The Leadership.

And it is taking over our schedules for the next few weeks.

The cult of personality is now the essential backdrop to a grand final consisting of hustings and bustings from fraught finalists - Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt.

While ex-silly mayor Bojo is trying to find his mojo, confident one-time health secretary Jeronimo is coping with a charisma bypass.

The race to be the next PM is now a test of presentation of substance over style.

This is also like a political equivalent of that other entertainment classic Stars in their Eyes.

'Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be a credible Prime Minister' before each hopeful disappears into a doorway emblazoned with the inviting sign - 'No10?'

And then they emerge in a cloud of dry ice to await thumbs up votes from the Tory party members.

Alas, Bojo is not giving away any family details and Jeronimo is calling his opponent 'a coward' for avoiding taking the ratings-winning reality shows seriously.

These two heavyweights are clearly avoiding any gaffes - cue the theme music by The Fun Boy Three's It Aint What You Do (it's the way that you do it).

Both finalists do need to avoid any bad-taste gaffes like the recent cringing back-firing disasters from Danny Baker and Jo Brand.

Doing and saying the right thing is now under more scrutiny than ever before with our 24/7 news agenda.

"We need to be convinced by their 'character and judgement'", says Tory MP Gillian Keegan who demands that the dynamic duo get to grips with the glare of social media.'

The Plain English Campaign, of which I am a huge supporter, offers A foot-in-mouth award every year - both contestants need to avoid a nomination.

This is going to be a battle of wits, debating skills and nerve.

Bojo or Jeronimo ... for the the keys to the most famous house in the country it really is now a case of deal or no deal?

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WHAT A turn-up ...

Friday is 'Wrong Trousers Awareness' day - inspired by Wallace and Gromit.

It is 24 hours dedicated to wearing trousers with a difference raising money for a Bristol hospital, in the process.

I'm all for a national celebration.

A time to try on new kecks, discuss them - even share jokes.

So brace yourself for these two trouser-themed titbits.

One trendy shop is selling trousers 'with 50 per cent off' - they're shorts.

And I have heard about one way to stop anyone leaving trousers on the floor around the house - send them on a 'hanger management course.'

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AND here's a show that also has legs ...

The National Tribute Music Awards takes place next month.

Gongs are given for those who make their living being someone else and are deemed the best double-takes from the likes of ELO to Lady Ga Ga.

Some tribute acts have actually been around longer than the household names they take off.

One previous award winner is Malcolm Pitt who is bringing Lionel - A Tribute to Lionel Richie to the Floral Pavilion on April 10 next year.

All night long he will prove why he won the best newcomer award.

It seems in Northumberland there is another Lionel tribute act - but this time he works in the carpet world.

Lino Richie has a wonderful slogan on his van: "Hello - is it me you're looking floor ..."

Puts new light on the idea of dancing on the ceiling.

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CHANNEL 5 should be rebranded Banal 5.

It is, in-itself, a telly tribute to the seedy side of life.

You don't need to watch any of their trailers you only have to to read the programme titles to get the gist of what they are serving up as entertainment.

Tonight we have It's Your Fault I'm Fat and it's followed by My Mum's Hotter Than Me.

Over on Channel 4, 'The £1 Houses' is a gritty documentary series about a Liverpool housing scheme with real problems, hardly a positive postcard to the rest of the country.

I'd love to watch this show alongside Liverpool mayor Joe Anderson on the Gogglebox sofa.

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HERACLES was from Toxteth.

It must be true - Stephen Fry says so.

He has been promoting his three Greek storytelling nights at the Philharmonic Hall in September called Mythos.

Stephen revealed he can do a great Scouse accent as he claimed Heracles was actually from Upper Parliament Street.

Mr Fry, who makes the most complex of subjects accessible, does however know his limitations.

Brexit is beyond him.

"If only people would listen to each other," he sighs.

Clearly all 'Greek to him.'

But Stephen did share this warning from history.

The Trojan War started as a European trade war.

Boris and Jeremy - beware.

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And finally ...

I'm looking forward to National Irony Day in October ... which reminds me is the Wirral Borough of Culture programme over yet?

And here's another piece of bitter-sweet irony I was saddened to hear a Kentish rock band had their van broken into and instruments stolen.

Alas, it must be cruel fate at work - the band's name is The Petty Thieves.

Bum notes all round.

Peter Grant