QUALITY of life ... we used to have a good one here in Wirral.

Can we have it back, please?

It's a phrase that Wirral councillors say they strive for. Yet now, for many residents and businessowners, it's become just three words on council-headed paper.

The current litter enforcement controversy is now getting so out of hand that it is causing serious damage to the peninsular's reputation as a great place to live, work and visit.

Who says so?

For a start, let's take social media at its best.

We all want deliberate littering, dog-fouling and fly-tipping to end.

But the way it is being carried out at present by security firm Kingdom is totally unacceptable.

It is causing untold stress, fear and bitterness.

As a columnist I have been contacted by journalists in London who have been asking me "just what is going on in Wirral?"

I simply advise them to read the Kingdom-related stories in such media-friendly sources as Wirral Against Litter Police, Facebook and Wirral Leaks.

All is explained in details so alarming you believe it can't get any worse - but it does with every passing day.

I tell reporters to check out Youtube postings and I point them in the direction of articles in the Wirral Globe, The Guardian, Liverpool Echo and the telly via the recent BBC North West TV investigation.

There is, I am encouraged to say, a united media response to the situation.

These are the varied voices of reason working together to highlight a very social injustice going on now.

The common mantra is that "any abuse of power must be challenged."

But I personally drew the line and said “enough is enough” when worried parents contacted me saying they are dreading going out for fear of harassment in case their children unintentionally dropped litter.

Next month it's the Wirral Borough of Culture year.

This isn’t the best backdrop while there are shadowy figures out there preying on people. On foot, in cars.

Some Wirral councillors are now out and about canvassing ahead of the May 3 elections.

I urge them not to accidentally drop leaflets - or are they exempt from fixed penalty fines?

I hope the environmental overview and scrutiny committee is prepared for the next meeting on March 13, at 6pm.

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GORDON Banks was a hero.

He was one of the world's greatest goalkeepers.

One man who knew him well was Stan Boardman, who told me that it was always a joy playing fund-raising charity golf tournaments with GB.

Stan recalled: "Gordon had a glass eye and we once played a celebrity match organised by a man who also had one.

"So we all decided to play the 18 holes ... each wearing an eye patch. Gordon, known for his giggles, loved it."

And Stan revealed Gordon’s very own-goal.

"I made a documentary about the original shirts worn by the World Cup winning team of 1966.

"I had tracked down seven and then Gordon told me he had sold his a week after the final ... for ten quid. Imagine what that would be worth now. "Priceless - like Gordon Banks."

Stan promises more anecdotes when he appears at the Epstein on May 25.

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I AM clearly not on their wavelengths.

I refer to the Radio Times list and their greatest ever radio shows.

Desert Island Discs topped the poll.

But, John Peel apart, many Merseysiders who contributed so much didn't get a mention.

Where was Kenny Everett and Ray Moore who inspired Terry Wogan?

But I am surprised ITMA (It's That Man Again) which ran from 1939 to 1949 and boosted the UK's war time morale didn’t even make the top ten.

Tommy Handley's comedy capers inspired a young Ken Dodd and The Goons.

My mum and dad loved it.

Surely the vote should have been done by the people who loyally tuned in - the listeners.

Merseysiders would have been straight on the case to vote for Billy and Wally's Hold Your Plums. Unscripted, improvised radio at its best.

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I HEARD it on the grapevine that the UK's master punster has sold out his Floral Pavilion gig next month.

It is no surprise that Tim Vine has such a following and he has one of the wittiest fan clubs ever to prove it.

I am not in the habit of joining such organisations, but the Tim Vine Appreciation Society Facebook page gives me plenty of smiles each day.

Here are just a couple of current puns (See? it's catching).

One from Tim: "I went to the doctor and he told me 'you've got hypochondria'. I said ‘not that as well’.”

And full marks to the clever contributor who shared this gem: "The man who invented predictive texting has died. His fun fair will be held next monkey."

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AND finally. Talking of puns ... full credit to Nat West Bank (see what I did there) who are dealing with damage limitation today.

When a vegan mum was asking about a possible loan for a nutrition course the sensitive call centre worker said all vegans deserved a "punch in the face."

Nat West - whose motto is "we are what we do" - have taken the employee away from dealing with the public while investigations go on.

There's a lesson there for our council, quality of life again - and this is where I came in.

Peter Grant