TIMING is everything ...

This week we have seen that making the right decision at the right time can change lives. A wrong decision at the wrong time can cause havoc.

In this stress-saturated, 24-hour, seven-days-a-week social media world, time waits for no one.

Timing is the ability to select the precise moment for doing something for optimum effect.

History has shown our military leaders had the gift of making spot-on decisions, notably The Dambusters Raid.

I was subject to dis-heartening bad timing when I was at school.

The day after end-of-term there would be adverts on telly, in the papers and shop windows saying 'back to school' with enticing offers of school uniforms and PE kits.

The marketing men never gave us or our parents a break - literally.

As a grown-up (allegedly) I am more aware of the acute art of timing.

Donald Trump has a unique interpretation - a new take on the adage, 'publish and be damned.' 

He has his own hand-held, virtual loud haler – making tweet music with self-edited smart-phone proclamations.

Boris Johnson is also a master of headline-making timing.

Last week the Inferno prayed that we didn't have a Brexit Chequers stalemate.

Harold Wilson, former head boy at Wirral Grammar School for Boys, was right ... a week is a long time in politics David Davis and Boris closed the cabinet door with BJ claiming 'the Brexit dream is dying'.

For others the dream is far from over ... timing again.

There are 18 trademark applications pending – one for English Brexit Tea logged by a German company days after the referendum.

Also on the commercial conveyor belt is Brexit Blue Cheese and Brexit Bread.

Look out for Brexit the Musical and a board game.

Thirty six companies have also jumped on the Brexit brand band wagon.

Thankfully, World Cup football is taking our collective attention away from Brexit.

The timing is now right for one retailer bringing out Gareth Southgate waistcoats.

As this column goes to press England are in the semi-finals (that’s something I never thought I would ever write).

Millions hope dapper Gareth gets his tactical timing right and - unlike Brexit - that we don't suffer with any more penalties.


BREXIT reared its head in two documentaries this week illustrating the diplomacy surrounding the Donald Trump administration and much trumpeted visit to the UK starting tomorrow.

I do not agree with Trump's policies, but am ashamed at the crass way protestors will show their disdain via a barrage blimp balloon in the format of a giant baby in a nappy.

Britain is the best in the world at satire - so why has silly mayor Sadiq Khan allowed this monstrous, undignified publicity stunt over the London skies?

The timing is right to peacefully protest but it's such a missed opportunity - the message is all wrong.

If they were intent in spending the £35k on a balloon why not create a huge smart phone version with a witty text or gigantic floating newspaper down-crying fake news.

Instead, thick-skinned Donald will laugh off this infantile gesture.

Childish, indeed.


TALKING of hot air ...

There should be an 'energy zapping awareness day' dedicated to all our utility companies.

Ironically, UK Energy companies certainly take our breath away according to a new survey.

The on-going gripes include: confusing tariffs; hidden fees, automated services and the most irritating of all - holding on phone lines with irritating music.

And that leads me nicely into queues.

We spend the equivalent of more than two years of our lives queuing - according to a new study by Casumo.

Queuing in a supermarket and losing the will in traffic leaves us doing nothing for almost five hours a week. Pass the energy drinks.


THE Beatles are as popular now as they were 50 years ago as shown by the screening, this week at Liverpool's Fact cinema, of the Yellow Submarine film.

I'm always proud taking tourists to Beatle landmarks even though many want a selfie on the zebra crossing from the Abbey Road album cover, which is actually in London.

One Japanese fan asked how she could get to 'ride?'

She mis-understood the meaning of classic song Ticket to Ride.

Now timing is right to say roll up, roll up for the Magical History Museum - a new 'must see' Moptop shrine to the Beatles opening next week in, appropriately, Mathew Street.

The Beatles are, indeed, coming home ... again.


ROBOTS may be taking over from humans, but can't beat clever canines.

Poncho, a police dog in Madrid, performed CPR on his human partner. Ole! a You Tube hero was born.

He sprang into action when an officer fell to the ground and pretended in a training session to be unresponsive.

The four-legged superhero used his front paws to pound on the man’s chest while pausing to place his ear on his neck to listen for a pulse. He did not stop resuscitating until the policeman stood up.

A man’s best friend takes on a whole new meaning.


And finally ...

GUFFAW! I was greatly amused to read in the Globe this week about a summer reading challenge inspired by The Beano comic which will be launched in Wirral libraries.

I never stop consulting my Beano 1001 Encyclopaedia of Jokes.

With great comic timing I will leave you with this poser.

What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a dog? ... an animal that barks at low-flying aircraft.' 

It's the way I tell 'em.

Peter Grant