AS we look forward to National Fish and Chips Day, I hope those who allocate these once-a-year celebrations dedicate one to 'Jargon Busting.' 

Strewth!

In Australia they have 'Drop the Jargon' day every October.

We are making strides here in the UK, so to speak, but we need to listen to our friends in the Plain English Campaign who strive for better communication between the powers that be and the public they are there to serve.

It is now the tenth anniversary of the Local Government Association's launch of its dodgy dossier of phrases that they wanted councils to stop using.

Terms that baffled us all (and no doubt themselves) – and didn’t actually say anything at all in the process.

Reading in the Globe about Wirral Council's five aims for 2019 - part of their 20 pledge campaign - I noticed that terms such as: 'strategy', 'sustainable' and 'revenue streams' have turned up again.

I simply ignore the phrase 'stake-holders' (I thought that referred to butchers).

We do not have the time to translate what emerges from our Town Hall word processors.

Happily phrases such as: 'horizon scanning', 'thinking outside the box', 'no-brainer' and 'pushing the envelope' have been made compulsory redundant.

Yesterday, it was announced that energy prices are to rise again.

So I pray the company bosses with their bonuses and share options invest in some information material to explain WHY and in pure, plain English.

We are consistently fighting fake news on all fronts - so let's now take on fake English.

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WHILE I'm in the mood ... when is a map not a map?

No, it's not a riddle.

I applaud Wirral Coastal Community Team for creating a New Brighton visitor's map.

Such leaflets come in handy when you have events like the Tall Ships coming to town.

Alas, it is a nice design and would make a fun board game.

It would also look good on a trendy tote bag.

Yet, as a practical guide for getting from those popular places A to B, it's a case of going back to the drawing board.

I have tried to use it and I was lost - for words.

Various buildings are there, but it is not explained what they actually are.

As it stands it would be ideal for a school adventure project.

London's tube map is an ideal example of simplicity.

Moscow has a similar design and on a visit there - and not being able to pronounce a single station name - I actually got around the Russian capital with ease.

Unfortunately, the New Brighton map doesn't tell you where the bus stops are.

A victory of style over substance.

If it goes into a re-print may I suggest going back to the drawing board with more consultancy with day-trippers and residents.

At present this well-meaning map should also come with a magnifying glass.

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I WAS glad to hear that Dame Barbara Windsor is coping well with the onslaught of Alzheimer's.

I am a fan of any celebrity who uses their celebrity status to help others.

I once met her at a BBC promotional bash and as we queued to get in to Television Centre I inadvertently stood on her shoes.

In her feisty fashion, she turned on her stiletto heels, prodded me in the knee (she is only tiny) and said: "Ere, mate, watch where you put your plates of meat."

I was literally star-stuck ... on hearing the cockney term for feet from the pearly queen herself.

Later, over her favourite champers, she forgave me and with that infectious giggle she talked about The Beatles' cheeky humour and how her career took off when she was spotted playing in panto in Liverpool.

So l am not alone in saying, Carry on inspiring, dear Dame Barbara.

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AND while I'm on the subject of Alzheimer's - a report on BBC this week moved me to tears.

The Dementia Dogs Project in Dundee is providing trained canines for sufferers of the disease.

The project sees prisoners now involved in training courses to prepare such dogs for a wonderful innovative service.

So this has a dual purpose: Rewarding on all counts for those wishing to be rehabilitated and those who need companions to help them through this cruel illness which often makes them prisoners in their own homes.

I hope before long these trials succeed and Dementia Dogs become a part of life as Guide Dogs for the Blind and the hard of hearing do now.

Well done, Dundee.

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WIRRAL-based author Gina Kirkham is looking forward to the launch of her second book at Waterstones in July called Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot Gina tells me her hubby John is on the run ...

Actually Gina opens his case file...

"He's in Transylvania (they have Draconian laws there, I hear) climbing several mountains for the charity 'IncuBabies' at Arrowe Park Hospital.

"He's with other retired bobbies and a CPS barrister - 180 years of talent."

John is a veteran mountain climber and, like Gina, raises money for Clatterbridge Cancer Centre.

Although she is very proud of him, Gina told me (when I interrogated her) that she loves having their house in Meols to herself.

"I get to sit at home with my bad knee and back (my excuse) to raise pennies with the added joy of the toilet seat down and the telly remote for a whole week." 

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AND finally ...

Ostrich eggs have gone on sale at certain Waitrose stores at a penny short of £20 ... hardly chicken feed.

I enjoyed them on a holiday in Morocco and became addicted.

I was later found on the beach with my head in the sand.

Peter Grant