WIRRAL fights back - that's the message coming loud and clear from the Writers2008 forum, writes Don Webb.

The scribes were set up for local writer John Gorman, who has marshalled us to hammer out a solid plan which will put Wirral writing firmly and squarely on the map during Liverpool's term as European Capital of Culture next year.

"It's designed to show the rest of Merseyside and the rest of the country what Wirral can do when push comes to shove," he said.

Teams of writers have been meeting to concentrate in particular on two projects.

The first is a counter blast to the play from Liverpool "Brick Up The Mersey Tunnels", which rocked and amused audiences last year.

Their idea was simple and funny. Let's stop the snobs from over the water and the one eyed city (that's us, folks!) coming over here and messing up the tranquil atmosphere on the Pier Head and Albert Dock. Go home and windsurf in that puddle off West Kirby all you want. They said!' We've got an answer to that, though. Our teams of writers have found out that when the first ever English army was formed on Wirral to batter the Vikings back into the North Sea, King Athelstan was so impressed after the battle of Brunanburh (Bromborough) he gave us gallant folk of Wirral a special charter.

We can secede from the United Kingdom any time we want. Our play Wirral UDI' stretches that theme!

In the play, the Fir Bobs of Bebington join forces with the Owd Uns of Neston, the High Falutin' of West Wirral, the Exotic East of New Ferry and the North End of Birkenhead to take advantage of a new government policy to decentralise Wirral.

It would take us out of the United Kingdom and into a brave new world of our own, self governing, independent and powerful - the descendants of the strongmen who dug the Mersey Tunnel and the Ship Canal quarry a channel full of water, Mersey to Dee.

Customs posts guard the exits to the motorway. Athelstan's fabulous hidden treasure is found under the Lady Lever Art Gallery.

And the secret of cold fusion, having been worked on for years by a dedicated team of nuclear scientists from Capenhurst with a hideout in Danes' Meadow, is at last unfolded for the world to see, letting Wirral take our rightful place at the centre of the international stage.

Oh, and we steal the idea of a Liverpool icon, George Harrison and use his suitcase, lost and found in Irby as an icon to theme a series of playlets with music to show that we're artistic, too. That's the second piece. Good, isn't it?