Politicians were the stars in a soap opera that was too real for comfort. Not fiction but fact.

So who gets the vote for best telly election coverage? By a landslide, it has to be the BBC.

David Dimbleby was Mr Cool. A ballot box James Bond.

At 10pm, when the polling boths  closed ,the broadcasters were polls apart.

I had my remote control at the ready. Guinness and pop corn.

This was going to be a marathon - and I was ready for it.

Until Auntie Beeb revealed that the exit polls said it was a Blue victory. (Cue theme music from EastEnders.)

Half way through, a late night bacon butty kept me going. I stopped midway as I could hear champagne corks pop in Conservative heartlands across the UK.

Labour and UKippers and Lib Dems drowning sorrows with Greens and Independents.

The Monster Raving Looney Party just partied.

I watched as the SNP were unwrapping the celebratory haggis and having  a few wee drams.

I flicked across all channels. ITV,Sky and Channel 4 were all vying for
our attention.

The latter was like a spoilt ballot paper ... pointless.

Smug Richard Osman and David Mitchell and a group of unfunny commentators were unable to think on their feet. Unpleasant all round.

Jeremy Paxman was thowing out insults while guests swore and I simply wasn't prepared to watch such arrogance.

ITV was slick but bland.

Sky far too American.

Back to the BBC. Andrew Neill and Andrew Marr were superb. No laughing matters.

Instant incisive analysis and Jeremy Vine was also funny and informative as he presented quirky graphic explanations on a swingometer set inside Big Ben, as well as a cracking report from a virtual reality Downing Street.

As the night unfolded seats were lost, but my sofa was safe.

I apolitically cheered as MPs were being sent to Jobcentre Plus locations for real (see how you like it) I heckled.

At 7am I went to bed to await the final outcomes.

But it was a night ruined for me and other viewers. I wanted a nail-biting, seat-by-seat look at how the country was voting.

Instead I felt part of a drama and I was told the ending before the action even started.

Can we ban exit polls?

Happily, I won't have to review election night again for five years.

For now I will be reviewing the actions of the politicians and the promises they made.

One thing is certain, I won't be watching any of it on iPlayer.

Four weeks of party political broadcasts and an eight-hour long telethon is enough.

Time to dig out my West Wing box set.

Oh no...on second thoughts maybe The Simpsons instead.