MY favourite topical T-shirt of the week said "Keep Your Distance".

When I asked the wearer what it meant, he said it was a "warning to any clipboard-brandishing pollsters asking him about whether he was in or out of Europe".

He explained he was sick of the shabby current debates about the forthcoming EU referendum.

We have already endured an undignified 'Brexit' from the Eurovision Song Contest.

Brexit is a man-made name which just confuses we - the electorate – even more.

The stay-in debaters have the tag Remain, or should that now be Remaindered.

I just hope we don't have a Brexit from the Euro football championships in Paris.

As for the EU or not to EU, it is only a month away.

There's so much scare-mongering going on it is hard to separate fact from fiction.

The Tories are in-fighting (or should that be out-fighting?) with 'Project Fear' now being a new slogan.

Are politicians playing chess with us?

As I sit with a glass of pinot savouring my EU Referendum Voting Guide booklet (can't put it down) I am still none the wiser.

I am so desperate for clarity.

Convince me – someone.

I am seriously looking forward to seeing the BBC buses that are hitting the road, one explaining the 'in' the other the 'out' issues.

For now I will order my own T-shirt – Let’s do the EU Hokey Cokey.

Last week when I watched Newsnight I was 'in' at the beginning of the programme and 'out' by the end.

Which camp? HELP!

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TALKING of camp. I was bemused to hear the Carry On films are making a comeback.

Aren't there any new ideas out there?

Britain is awash with talent but, sadly, so many scripts are stuck in commissioning cupboards – unread.

The famous British comedy genre was of its time, as proved by the disastrous Carry On Columbus released in the Nineties, starring Julian Clary.

Carry on Doctors is the new one for 2017.

Ooh-er, matron. Sorry, but the NHS is no laughing matter.

This will be followed by Carry on Campus. Give a cameo to Nick Clegg.

If there will be a third, can the Inferno suggest a theme which is rich in plot development, skulduggery, innuendo and unintentional laughs.

Carry On Up The Commons. I can see it now: David Cameron running down the corridors of power by a mace-carrying Boris Johnson, shouting: "Infamy, infamy – they’ve all got it infamy."

Sparkling!

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"ONE stage, seven actresses ... a lot to say." 

A new revue showcasing Merseyside’s finest female writer/ performer was launched at Diamond Drama Studios in Argyle Street, Birkenhead.

Women in the Arts – conceived by local actress Abbey Fitzhenry – presented a series of monologues by established writers, alongside innovative pieces created by the performers themselves.

The Inferno says well done to our Wirral's wonder women: Chantelle Culshaw, Esther Larkin, Jackie Jones, Josie Sedgwick Davies, Julie Glover, Theresa Bennett and guest singer Ellie Turner.

"I wanted to give the audience an opportunity to hear women’s voices," said Moreton-based Abby – a member of the Everyman Theatre's Writing programme.

She continued: "Instead of waiting for the right roles to become available, we've created our own vehicle, including heartfelt, hilarious excerpts from Willy Russell's Shirley Valentine and Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues.

"But we also wanted to try out our own material."

The new pieces are equally powerful with wry observations on the fears and loathings, loves and laughter of women of all ages.

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AND finally ... It was sad to hear the death of Tony Barrow, The Beatles' press officer, who coined the phrase Fab Four.

Tony was the man who kept The Beatles in the papers and out.

And when the Fab Four ordered drinks at the bar to unwind, it was the Barrow boy who paid the round.

They never carried cash. The Fab One indeed.

Peter Grant