I SAW a poster in a Grimsby town fish shop window. It read: 'Fresh fish sold here.'

I reflected on it. Surely, their goods are “fresh,” and “fish” well, yes, that's what you offer. “Sold” okay, you're in a shop after all. “Here,” Well, where else? 

Posters have one chance to communicate effectively. Some try too hard. Clearly, Wirral Council’s crackdown on litter louts is working having brought in a lot of revenue. But I am bemused with the current poster push that says:  “Dropping litter? That’s fine.” What? It then adds “£80 to be precise.”

Then you read the smaller print. “If you are caught dropping and leaving litter you will be given an on the spot fine of £80.”

So they are being ironic. Was this an in-house campaign or did it go to an advertising consultancy? 

Litter is too big a problem to be anything less than crystal clear about it. 

I am a recipient of a Plain English Campaign Award and I say all councils need to be more specific. 

As well as attempting to clean up Wirral’s streets, WBC should brush up on the language they use - clarity in all official documents please no gobbledegook. A Wirral Globe reader presents a couple of examples of other poor communications.

From a campaign leaflet: "Red tape holds up new bridges." Shouldn’t that be duct tape?

And one Safari park warned: "Elephants, stay in car please." 

I know they don’t forget, but that’s ridiculous.

Wirral Globe:


I WAS once on a visit to Peterborough. The sign at the railway station said “Welcome to the Home of Ladybird Books.”

Wirral’s sign at the moment could be “Twinned with Reno.”

Now that’s Culture. I grew up reading the inspirational Ladybird Books. Now there are plans for adult versions (hold on, not that kind) but titles tailored for grown-ups such as the Ladybird Book of the Hangover and Mid-Life Crisis. Please leave the Ladybird brand to be a label of literary excellence and innocence. 

Penguin Books have a children’s imprint section called Puffin. How about another brand for grown up Ladybirders called The Wasp Books, with a sting in the tail - The Wasp Book of Corporate Tax Evasion?
 

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I SUPPORT all our footballing clans - Everton, Liverpool and Tranmere. Some figures, however, stand out.

Howard Kendall was a true blue. Music by a violinist played the Toffees' anthem "Z Cars" at Goodison Park this weekend to mark his passing. 

He was Everton’s most successful manager ever. Howard used to love to unwind in the Adelphi Press Club bar.

I once put on a charity show there and booked his favourite act Michael Tate, billed as the world’s worst impressionist. Howard fell off his chair laughing. He then won the raffle - first prize a silver butter dish. 

Everton weren’t doing well that season and I said, “That’s the only piece of silverware you'll be getting.” 

He posed for a picture knowing it could be used by us cynical journalists. 

A true professional. And a bit of extra Inferno time here...at Ken Dodd’s “Good Turns Society” get-togethers, Howard was always a keen supporter. He was respected like the legend he was alongside former Liverpool players.

Ken said to me today: “What a truly wonderful man. We will all miss him.”

 

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AND finally...This very week a man’s wallet, lost 55 years ago, was found.

It reminds me of a tale from a Merseyside comic who told me about a similar scenario. 

He lost his wallet in a Birkenhead pub and somebody rang him 30 years later to say they had found it. 

He went to pick it up and discovered a ticket for a pair of shoes he had put in a Wirral cobblers three decades previously but had forgotten to collect because he had been the worse for wear. 

He went to the very same old cobblers. He showed the shoe-maker the ticket who then went into the back room. 

He came back out and said: “They'll be ready next Tuesday.”

Peter Grant