WELCOME to whistle-blowing with a difference.

If Labour gets elected in six weeks' time there will be some soccer-style punishments on the political pitch.

Wallasey MP Angela Eagle, who was once patronisingly told to "calm down, dear" during a David Cameron "Michael Winner" moment at the despatch box, is shadow leader of the House of Commons and she has a goal – she wants MPs to clean up their own "acts" of parliament.

Anyone who has watched Prime Minister’s Questions will know it can get horribly heated in there when MPs kick off ...

Labour wants to introduce a system whereby errant MPs of all parties are shown the yellow card followed by an hour in a virtual "sin bin."

It is aimed at punishing those MPs who shout, heckle or make crude gestures.

Repeat offenders would find themselves getting a second warning - a red card that would mean a ban for up to three sessions if these radical proposals are enacted.

But the idea of taking an "early bath" has been deemed "a rubbish idea" by one-time deputy speaker Nigel Evans (2010-13) who says he doesn’t want to see the House of Commons become as silent as a library (remember them?).

He said he did not want a suppression of passion. Let's hope the new intake that arrives in 64 days’ time respect each other and the people who put them there.

Parliament is, after all, the shop window of politics.

Mr Bercow, our present charismatic speaker, has the authority and shouldn’t need to dish out yellow and red cards.

He can just eject those who are, as he puts it, guilty of "yobbery and public school twitt-iness."

It's fast becoming Punch and Judy politics – personality before policy, and that’s not the way to do it.

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JUST three in ten of us are happy with our lots in life according to one of those surveys that wind us all up even more.

The same ones that tell us a glass of wine is good for you one day and then announce it’s bad for you the next.

Also they say ‘binge TV watching' (a new cult where people watch box-sets of series in one go) makes people dull conversationalists … Really?

Money worries, dead-end relationships and unfulfilling jobs were the key reasons for being glum. I’d add cold callers, bankers and incessant, irritating home insurance adverts on TV to that list.

Reading extracts from the "2015 UK Optimism Audit" (yes, it does exist) makes for sober reading.

Apparently winter puts us all in a dark mood. So now is the time to have a spring clear out.

The survey concluded: "Making smaller, positive lifestyle changes rather than setting drastic unattainable targets is the best route to overall happiness."

Politicians take note.

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IT will be a glorious experience when the trio of Cunard Queens arrive in the Mersey from May 23 to May 26.

All manner of celebrations are talking place on both sides of our great river.

And how about this as a curtain-raiser on the Wirral?

Jack Jones, the American crooner is on what he calls The Homecoming Tour. He sails into to New Brighton Floral Pavilion on May 11.

I once interviewed Jack, who was regarded by Frank Sinatra as one of the major singers of our time, on a trans-Atlantic phone line and I asked him to sing me a few bars from one of his most famous songs from 1977 about a Pacific Princess - the theme song from the hit US series The Love Boat

He did, and I can still hear the seagulls now. It could have been written for each of the Cunard vessels- Queen Mary 2, Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria.

Love boats, all.

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AND finally, Christopher Grayling. Justice Secretary famously tried and failed to stop prisoners being sent books in jail.

I have a novel idea – how about a book on his political career featuring some of his gaffes called - 50 Shades of Grayling.

PS: Next week, we’ll be celebrating one year of the Inferno.

Peter Grant