HAS Phil Davies, leader of Wirral Council, got a map of the world on his wall?

And does he sit in his carpeted ivory tower (in between overseeing cuts) - throwing darts at it?

I only ask because he seems to have randomly thrown an arrow at a destination Wirral could be "twinned" with … Reno in the Nevada region of America.

He told the Globe: "The Chamber of Commerce had a contact over in Reno with a 'guy' who used to work in Liverpool in the video gaming industry."

Phil met the mayor of Reno and a “guy” (it’s catching) called Geno Martini from the neighbouring city called "Sparks."

No, this is not a script from a Disney film starring Tommy Lee Jones as Mr D.

It's Reno, where gambling is an art form and where you can get a divorce in record time.

Is this pre-empting Wirral's "merger" with our neighbouring boroughs?

Will the council be booking marriage guidance counselling?

Or has someone mistaken counsel for council?

The Inferno does not recall Wirral residents being asked if this Chamber of Commerce funded fact-finding mission would appeal to the electorate.

To build a global image for the fastest improving council twinning with an American slot machine capital does seem a gamble.

THIS week, an on-line caller on a local radio show asked me what I wanted for Christmas.

I told him it was none of his business.

But it got me thinking - what don’t I want to banish from my day–to-day drudgery?

So here’s my wish list so far: Can those who repair or deliver items to households please give us all a better indication when they will actually arrive?

We have sat navs, Facebook, twitter, emails – but what’s the point when delivery men or women don’t, it seems, have clocks or guidelines?

Saying in advance that they will be there between “8am and 12” is simply NOT good enough. I have lost count of the number of days I have wasted waiting for them to turn up - eventually arriving five minutes before the deadline.

I once found a bloke in a van (due at 12pm) sitting eating his sandwiches with a flask telling me he was having his lunch.

Energy companies and banks are next on my Grinch List. Please answer the phone within two minutes of us being asked to call you.

Do not give priority to new customers - existing ones pay your wages. I do not want to sit for 40 minutes helping YOU with OUR enquiries.

I also want the council to put up signs when they dig up the roads saying why they are doing it, what for, when it will be finished and what the benefits are of disrupting all our lives.

That’s it for part one – write to me with your Christmas bucket list.

KEN Dodd will be seen and heard this Christmas in this his 60th Jubilee year in show business.

You can hear him playing a mynah bird at the Playhouse until January.

He will also be one of the contestants on Celebrity Mastermind on Monday at 7pm on BBC1. He has two minutes (sorry Ken, not four hours like your shows) to answer questions on the subject of Theatre Variety Artists since 1950.

And for a bit of festive fun listen to BBC Radio Merseyside’s Roger Phillips’ tribute on Boxing day when he interviews Ken.

But that’s before he will be doing his annual Liverpool sentimental journey Philharmonic mirth marathons on December 27 and December 28.

Happy Christmas Ken – by Jove, you are a super trouper.

AND finally…If you are a member of the Royal Family getting presents for each other is even easier now that the Buckingham Palace gift shop is booming, thanks to items such as fluffy corgi toys, Union Jack cushions and crown-shaped tea cosies (Great for royal-tea).

I want guardsman pyjamas just like the uniform worn by the Palace sentries.

That way, I can go to sleep standing up.

Peter Grant