ALWAYS read the small print is sound advice.

And it applies to so many things in life - especially signs.

The Inferno recently revealed one Merseyside shop that featured a large window display that read: “CLOSING DOWN” in huge letters.

However, when you went inside and re-read the poster, you could see in small letters above it the word – “Not.”

A soft sell, but I was sold on this ploy. But I can’t buy into one current marketing method despite its positive intent and “word play.”

I refer to the signs that adorn many shops in Hoylake’s Market Street to tie in with the Open Golf championships.

This event has other areas green with envy, and quite right too as it boosts the local economy and puts the world’s focus on Wirral.

But I feel the signs handed out by the council are far too clever for their own good.

The beautifully-crafted, two-sided signs get off to a good start on a striking blue background featuring the words “We are...

OPEN for business” with a cute trophy logo and a smiley face.

Job done – hole-in-one.

But swing it over to the reverse and it also says OPEN. This time on a red background.

And in pesky small print above it: “Sorry, we are not…”

This, of course, gives the impression that they are open when they are, in fact…closed.

The Inferno asked a few businesses what they thought of the sign - most agreed it was confusing, but were happy to “sign on.” nevertheless.

 

AND talking of words...I have real sympathy for Wirral mum Maxine Lucas (see page 12) who, along with many hard-pressed parents, paid £84 for an LFC Luis Suarez shirt - only to be bitten by fickle footy fate.

After reading that the infamous player was leaving Anfield for Barcelona for a reported £75m, she discovered she will not be offered a refund.

The club is prepared for such eventualities. On its website it states: “LFC hold no responsibility for subsequent changes to squad numbers or if a player is transferred.” I feel they should allow fans to get such shirts amended free of charge. They should add in small letters beneath the name SUAREZ the simple words…“Woz ere.”

MANY folk, me included, are looking forward to a forthcoming three-part ITV drama biography of Cilla Black featuring the sparkling actress Sheridan Smith.

Various atmospheric scenes were filmed in Wirral, so that will be good fun scenery spotting.

Cilla, who told a national Sunday tabloid that she hasn’t yet seen the completed version, says that looking back can be painful.

I have interviewed the media-friendly singer turned telly presenter many times in my Fleet Street days and she once taught me how to open a bottle of champagne with a tea towel.

A skill I have enjoyed using over the years. Frankly speaking, Cilla (who actually does say “lorra” a lorra times in real life) also revealed she felt quite lonely at times and didn’t want to go on her own to see a new 50th anniversary screening of A Hard Day’s Night. (Cue: Anyone Who Had A Heart.) All she had to do was contact me for a Blind Date and I would have gone with her – if she brings the Moet I’ll provide the tea towel.

 

GOOD to see we have celebrity supporters for the Inferno’s Get Cyclists off Our Pavements campaign. The Inferno was invited on Johnny Kennedy’s Sunday afternoon show on Wirral Radio, at their state-of-the-art station in Leasowe. And passionate cyclist JK confessed that he had actually ridden on the pavement once due to busy traffic. He pledged he would never do it again.

JK is also calling for more special tracks on wonderful Wirral Way – for walkers, ramblers, cyclists and horse riders.

 

AND finally...Children say it as it is. A friend in Claughton had just become a proud dad to a baby boy to join his three-year old daughter in the happy household.

After many lost nights of sleep, he went to bed only to find his restless, older off-spring jumping on the bed, tugging on his pyjama sleeves at 3am shouting, “Daddy, Daddy…do sparrows have teeth?”

They don’t, according to Daddy’s hasty Google search.