Fort Perch Rock attacked by pirate army

An explosion destroyed the defences at Perch Rock this afternoon, allowing a scurvy rag-tag pirate army to seize control of the fort.

The attack began just after midday as the pirates charged down the River Mersey and landed on the New Brighton shore and unleashed a surprise canon bombardment.

The spectacular Pirate Muster had been organised by co-creator Cathy Roberts, who brought the event to New Brighton for the first time from its home across the river at Liverpool.

She told the Globe: “This area, particularly the coast, was so prolific with pirates in the 18th Century.

“In particular, there was a gentleman known as Fortunatus Wright, who is a huge hero and was written about in his day.

“He was like the David Beckham of his day. He was a huge adventurer, a great, great ‘Boys Own’ hero, a privateer, and nobody knows about him. We’re going to change that.

“He lived in Wallasey and sailed from Wallasey and we made sure that he’s recognised."

The Red Coat forces reeling from the attack, desperately amassed a defending force together on the fort’s bridge.

Despite rallying calls of ‘In the name of the King,’ the Red Coats were unable to match the tenacity and audacity of the well co-ordinated buccaneers who rushed the beach.

A fierce, close-quarters battle erupted between the two sides, until the Red Coat’s eventually succumbed and barely retreated back into their stronghold.

Inspired, the pirates brought Perch Rock to its knees, unleashing a maelstrom of flames, which ripped through the main gates from a sustained barrage of canon fire.

Reports of which infamous pirate led the assault are varied, with eye-witness reports suggesting a possible coalition of marauders, spearheaded by the infamous Black Beard, local lad Fortunatus Wright and even the elusive Jack Sparrow making an appearance.

The pirates were last seen graciously expelling the defending forces of the Crown from Perch Rock, before taking vast quantities of barreled rum behind the shattered gates.

UPDATE: Tonight the Jolly Roger has been raised above the fort’s walls and raucous merriment can be heard echoing out from within, it’s unknown whether the Red Coat’s will launch a counter attack.