GRANTY'S INFERNO: They always have a word for it...

Before we suffer the plethora of annual luvvie awards, we have the Word of the Year announcement.

Already the Global Language Monitor in Texas has highlighted the World’s most influential new words and phrases such as The Weinstein Effect where people speak out against powerful men.

Closer to home, The Oxford Dictionary boffins (who are never lost for words) will reveal the word or phrase we use that has topped the latest language charts.

You certainly won’t hear Brex-cited.

We have already seen the term Post Truth being the most used of last year. This now has variations such as Fake News and Semi-Lie.

Previous winners have included Big Society, Vape and Selfie.

This year’s contenders include Manfant - for all the Peter Pans out there and Snowflake describing those of us easily prone to taking offence.

I’ve come up with my own. . . ET (not Spielberg’s alien) but a need for ‘Extra-Transparency’.

Indeed, with Brexit dominating all our futures we need politicians to be more forthcoming with the facts and figures and especially with the brutal £2.7billion worth of cuts in Government spending for local authorities.

We need ET when dealing with customer relations people from the energy companies to those providing public transport here on Merseyside.

I have another word Fobnoxious. I am sick and tired of being ‘fobbed off’ by people in private and public sectors. Lame excuses from train cancellations to politicians - local and national - saying one thing and doing another.

And having sat through more so called ‘celebrity’ related TV shows how about a new form of creature called a Selfrity – someone seeking fame without the talent needed to justify air time and column inches.

For now I will let the festive spirit drown out the inadequacies all around us.

I will soak in the seasonal spirit happily infected with Tinsilitis – how’s that for Word of the Year?

IF anyone deserved the man-made term ‘national treasure’ then it was the late Keith Chegwin.

I interviewed Keith when he was promoting his book Shaken Not Stirred – a painful-to-read, no-holds-barred account of his alcoholism.

I arranged to meet him in a pub which, on second thoughts I wanted to change, but Keith was having none of it. He went to the bar and ordered me a Guinness and a lemonade for himself.

‘‘Just because I can’t have a drink doesn’t mean you can’t,’’ he said with that trademark giggle.

He had the ability to laugh at himself and he told me he wrote the book to help other addicts.

I will never forget his laughter on the phone when I sent him the article with the playful headline ‘Now Cheggers Drinks Pop.’ When I worked for Radio City, producer Wally Scott told me DJ Cheggers was a practical joker so much so that when he moved to a new job from the station he left a legacy. He had hidden kippers behind the radiators on his last day which ponged the studio for weeks.

Farewell Keith – you were the ever-enthusiastic bouncy Tigger of show biz.

ONE popular musician will be making waves in Wirral.

Suggs - aka Graham McPherson from Madness - is at the Floral Pavilion on February 27 with his talk show He will present his curiously titled ‘King Cnut’ show – A life in the Realm of Madness.

The poster shows him crowned and sitting on a throne trying to stop imaginary waves in a manner akin to King Canute who - legend has it – tried to stop the sea at Leasowe’s coastline – a Viking base.

It wasn’t however a case of madness – Canute wanted to show he was mortal and didn’t have such power.

Wisely he never went into politics.

TV’S Horrible Histories are not that far-fetched when it comes to astonishing interpretation of past traditions. Yet they deal with the facts.

A survey by the History Channel reveals that almost one in 20 people thought Jesus was born at Easter.

Some actually believed the nativity involves Father Christmas.

So here’s an Inferno warning to those going to see the Globe rated five-star Scouse Nativity at the Royal Court.

The sequence featuring chat show host Jeremiah Kyle is fake news.

And Herod did not have a department store named after him.

I’M half way through my panto reviewing 2017 season (Oh yes I am).

Still to come is the New Brighton Pavilion on Saturday and Liverpool Empire next week.

I have been invited to more royal balls than Prince Harry and Meghan.

Alas, dear readers I have been leaving each venue with a heavy heart.

I now wish upon a star . . . Please can theatres do something about the rustling of sweet wrappers? It is now getting out of hand so much so that it is ruining shows for other members of the audience.

Why do sweet kiosks sell confectionary in such noisy irritating wrappers?

Before a show we are urged to turn off mobiles not to disturb the actors – well, what about the audience suffering selfish crunchers?

Wirral Globe arts ambassador Robbie Southworth, whose runs the Past Productions company, has one solution ‘‘give boys and girls and (yes, you adults) plastic cups to deposit their sweets before a performance.’’ Hear hear!

More Christmas cheer next week.

Peter Grant