LESS than half of adults who live in the North West are satisfied with their sex life and 51% have not had sex in the last month, new figures from charities Relate, Marriage Care and Relationships Scotland reveal.

Relate Cheshire & Merseyside, which provides a range of counselling services including sex therapy, says people put so much pressure on themselves to have ‘amazing sex’ that they often end up avoiding it altogether or don’t notice what is good about their sex lives. 

Gail Thorne at Relate Cheshire & Merseyside said: “It’s sad that so few people in the North West and also the rest of the UK are sexually satisfied.

"Noticing what is going well, rather than dwelling on problems, is quite difficult when we’re all bombarded with messages about how sex ‘ought’ to be.

“Sex definitely doesn’t have to be disappointing - there's plenty that can turn your situation around so you can enjoy a sustained, fulfilling sex life.

“What constitutes a satisfying sex life can vary wildly from one person to the next, so working out what makes you tick is a great starting point.

People may feel concerned if they haven’t had sex in the past month but there are plenty of ways to be sexy."

Relate Cheshire & Merseyside’s ideas for thinking differently about sex

* Reassess what sex is: People often mean full intercourse when they talk about sex, but sex is about so much more. Flirting, kissing, cuddling and even just feeling you look great can be sexy.

* Find your sexual balance: It’s often difficult to fit sex into busy lives, but worrying about it makes it less likely to happen. Sometimes, a reassuring or sexy cuddle may be all you have time for or need and some people are happy with very little sex. It’s what works for both of you that matters.

* Bear in mind spontaneity isn’t essential: People who come to Relate often say they want to bring spontaneity back to their sex lives but sex is rarely truly spontaneous and busy people have to plan for intimacy.

* Know its fine to fantasise: Some people feel it’s wrong to fantasise especially if it involves somebody else or something they’re not comfortable with. But the whole point of fantasy is it’s not real and just thinking something doesn’t mean you want it to happen.

* Feel free to cuddle in front of the kids: In the past, parents were often taught to avoid showing physical affection in front of the kids but it actually reassures them that you love one another.

These are the messages in the new Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy, out now, which says just thinking differently about sex can save our sex lives. 

The guide, written by Psychosexual Therapist Cate Campbell and published by Vermilion recommends ways to relieve the pressure while revving up the pleasure.

Covering the lifespan of relationships, the book suggests a new way of thinking about sex which allows a more relaxed approach to sexual expression and improved intimacy.

The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy by Cate Campbell is published by Vermilion on the 6 August 2015, priced £9.99.

Relate Cheshire & Merseyside offers information, advice and counselling for all stages of relationships, including sex therapy to improve sexual satisfaction and increase intimacy.

Visit www.relatecm.org.uk for more information, or call 0300 330 5793.