THEY used to sing that London Bridge was falling down. Now it is the Palace of Westminster that’s looking the worse for wear.

The UK’s historic seats of parliament need a makeover that’s going to cost the nation £7 billion, and it means MPs may have to vacate the location and decamp for five years while renovation work is carried out.

Wirral MP Frank Field has suggested that, like the BBC, the House of Commons could relocate Up North.

Why not, indeed, as this would give great weight to George Osborne’s support for a Northern Powerhouse.

Birmingham, Manchester, Leeds, Sheffield, or Newcastle could be considered, or how about Merseyside? Liverpool’s St George’s Hall and Wallasey Town Hall have seen their fair share of political debates.

So could they temporarily house this hot-bed of political decision-making?

This would make David Cameron’s One Nation dream a reality: Parliament coming out to the people proving that the North-South divide can be a thing of the past. Can you imagine the MPs agreeing to such an upheaval? Imagine the expenses claims.

So how do we tackle this political problem? I have a cunning plan – get a stand in. Granada Studios built a replica of the Commons chamber.

The stunning set, which was used in Rick Mayall’s New Statesman and Meryl Streep’s The Iron Lady, is as near to the real thing as you can get.

Mr Speaker, I move that the studios – now in Wimbledon – are dusted down and brought back to life.

 

ONE of the competitors in the current series of Celebrity Masterchef is Merseyside’s Keith Chegwin, A real celebrity I admire. Keith famously came out to reveal he was an alcoholic caused by the pressures of show biz. He has now been sober for 20 years.

So there’s no need for the BBC to hide the cooking sherry. When Keith, a renowned practical joker, launched his autobiography Shaken Not Stirred he spoke candidly about his addiction which inspired many people to kick the habit. I interviewed him on a promotional tour and we went to a Liverpool bar.

Keith said he would “get them in” and demanded that I didn’t have a soft drink just because he couldn’t touch the booze.

He came back laughing like a kid, clutching an ice cold lager and an orange juice.

Just like a scene in a western, everyone stopped talking as Keith sat down with a pint and handed me the juice before swapping them over.

He chuckled. “I can see the headline now, he laughed: ‘Cheggers falls off the wagon’.” Happily he didn’t – instead a play on his popular kids’ show was used…’Cheggers Plays with Pop’.

Cheers Keith!

 

IT’S Independent Book Shop week so time to support all such stores across Wirral. London bookshop owner Jen Campbell now finds herself on the bookshelves with her own witty tome called Weird Things Customers say in Bookshops.

Here’s one of the Inferno’s favourite excerpts; Bookseller: Hello. Are you looking for anything in particular? Customer: Yes – any books by Stefan Browning? Bookseller: I’m not familiar with him. What kind of books has he written?

Customer: I don’t know if he’s written any. You see, my name’s Stefan Browning and I always like to go into bookshops to see if anyone with my name has written a book, because then I can buy it and carry it around with me and tell everyone that I’ve had a novel published. Then everyone will think I am really cool…”

 

AND finally...The original Batmobile from the 60s is powering into New Brighton’s Fort Perch Rock next month.

I interviewed the Caped Crusader himself in the 1990s when the cult series was re-shown on television.

My childhood always returns in Technicolor (cue the theme music) when I think of that trans-Atlantic phone call. The one and only Adam West answered in that unmistakable voice. “Hello, Peter, you’re through to the Batphone.”

Peter Grant