MAY Day is an SOS call for help. We need it now.

May 2015 has been the month when we asked "how"?

How on earth did it all go wrong in the worlds of soccer, politics and entertainment?

It is now going to be a summer of re-building, re-thinking and reflection.

Many feel mugged this May. Tranmere Rovers have to bounce back from relegation. Liverpool FC, in sixth place in the Premier League, need to “Stoke” the fires and 11th-placed Everton FC must understand that their club motto says “Nil satis nisi optimum” meaning “Nothing but the best is good enough.”

Also this season we have learned that when certain Premier football players call the shots the beautiful game turns ugly.

Fans who support their teams work long hours, football is a weekly salvation and they pay “Sterling” money for it.

Yet some players, on hundreds of thousands a week, don’t perform on the pitch for even 90 minutes.

As for politics, the Labour Party have to re-build otherwise there won’t be a genuine opposition that our democracy demands.

There’s talk of “Thunderbird” David Miliband returning to the UK in three years’ time as Labour leader.

He is currently employed by charity International Rescue (true).

May’s general election runners-up were left red faced as the air turned blue.

Those in yellow shirts and rosettes were relegated while the purple team failed to make it into the Parliamentary play-offs.

The Green team are still shooting buds while the SNP are firmly in the Champions League.

This is a summer of re-shaping from footballers to politicians – and our TV schedulers.

Please, less of Simon Cowell, Ant and Dec, David Walliams and Amanda Holden.

They say Britain’s Got Talent...well, prove it and bring us some fresh faces. From June, can everyone please re-tune?

FACT is stranger than fiction.

It is bizarre but true that there were official “application forms” to join Osama Bin Laden’s Al -Qaeda.

As revealed by US documents made public last week, job forms were found in 2011 in Bin Laden’s lair.

They asked applicants about their status, and who to contact “in case you become a martyr?”

A world of organised chaos – gone mad with its own red tape.

I wonder just who did those applying to joins Bin Laden’s Jihadi army put down as referees?

HERE’S an Inferno quiz: Which TV personality has never been to Wirral: a)Harry Hill; b) Jeremy Vine; c) Sonia; d) Chris Tarrant.

Here’s a clue: You can phone a friend, go 50/50 or ask the audience.

The answer is “D,” but not for long as former Who Wants to be A Millionaire? host Tarrant will be the subject of “An Audience With...” show this Saturday at Westbourne Hall in West Kirby.

A real coup (see Festival of Firsts website for details) and CT will donate his fee to Claire House.

His former Tiswas pal John Gorman will be the host of the evening, which includes a raffle for Chris’ best-selling book about his father – “Dad’s War” - plus a signed “Compost Corner” T-shirt.

Mr Gorman told the Inferno: “There may be a special surprise guest – a spitting image of a canine Chris knows from our Tiswas days.’’ Straight-talking Chris once told me during a press launch that I had the worst taste in ties he had ever seen.

So look out, Chris, I might make a visit dressed as the phantom flan flinger for some revenge.

AND finally... Radio Merseyside’s Billy Butler is a master of outside broadcasting but was lost for words when a day-tripper to at New Brighton’s Marine Lake this weekend asked him when the Blue Arrows team were flying by?

"Don't you mean Red Arrows?" asked Billy.

"No, I'm an Evertonian," came the reply.

But the best toast to Cunard's Three Queens celebrations came from one Wirral pub that had a “19 gin salute.”

Hic, hic, hooray!

Peter Grant