I AM standing in a warehouse looking at five dragons in their den (cue theme tune from a popular telly series).
I am looking for £50k investment in Wirral.
My business plan is this – spend money on corporate hospitality on people who may bring jobs to the borough.
I have planned it all - what will go in canapés and when to say “when” while pouring out the chilled Cava.
I want to make a good impression and treat prospective investors to see why they should come back and put their money where their mouths are as they sample my cream scones (thanks Paul Hollywood).
I watch nervously as the dragons jot down my figures.
“Ridiculous” says one. These figures don’t add up ,says another: “I’m out,” scowl the rest.
Before I mention equity, they look at each other and shake their heads.
When will they see a return on their money?
I say the proof of the pudding is in the eating - and I don’t mean my caramelised custard tartlets It will be, I say wiping beads of perspiration off of my brow, money well spent and it will reap benefits in the future.
Then I wake up...another bad dream?
Recent reports revealed that £50,000 was spent by Wirral council on corporate hospitality at the Open Golf Championship.
This column has applauded the event and hopes it will return. It is something to be proud of.
It is great for the region to show-off.
But, surely, a private sponsor could have been invited to look after ALL the costs to wine and dine the business fraternity? Exactly when will the community see a return for its money?
Wining and dining potential investors is all very well but let’s face it, they may have just been enjoying a free day out at the golf, with thoughts of business deals a thousands miles from their minds.
Wirral is proud of its hospitality - but significant job creation is the real icing on the cake.
AND so it cost £5,000 to stage the instalment of the Wirral mayor in May at New Brighton’s Floral Pavilion.
Why?This is unnecessary expense in an age of harsh austerity.
Surely this could have been done in Wallasey Town Hall after all the make-over money it has received - a great time to show off the carpets and other mod cons that now seem to be just a con for those who have paid for them?
The swearing in of a Mayor is civic business - not show business, so why go to this financial outlay using it to host a civic ceremony?
I remember reporting on a story of a North West borough spending £70k on a limousine for its mayor and their nauseating motto “putting the community first.”
There are times when you wonder if politicians really are all in it together with the people they purport to represent.
I HAVE been drawn to the eye-catching posters that Merseytravel have come up with depicting days out for smiling, happy people, cleverly showing what Merseyside has to offer day-trippers.
There are illustrations of the Beatles, beach sandcastles, Roman soldiers and Chester Zoo.
But it seems a couple of characters in the posters are not a good advert for one of the organisation’s strictest rules.
Two cheeky culprits are pictured travelling with their feet on the seats - which are NOT allowed and liable to incur penalties for those who ignore the warnings and of bye-laws.
A monkey and a penguin are seen doing just that.
It’s not fur…on law-abiding citizens AND finally...The Inferno was intrigued by recent reports of a twinning between a place in America and Scotland.
A wonderful resort called “Boring” has been matched with a place called “Dull” in Scotland.
This led me to dwell (l as I spent some corporate hospitality on myself in a local hostelry)...
Where would be a good place for Wirral to be twinned with?
Any suggestions welcome at the usual Wirral Globe address.