Step into Granty's Inferno!

Step into Granty's Inferno!

Step into Granty's Inferno!

First published in News
Last updated

HOORAY for Hoylake has been the universal call for this year’s Open Golf Championship, which gave a welcome boost to the global image of Wirral.

The economy will certainly benefit, we hear, and for a lot of people across the world who were unaware of the delights of the area, it has helped put us on the tourism map.

This was a virtual “Discover Wirral” campaign on such a positive scale.

And Rory was a storm.

The Inferno was impressed by the way the majority of people took it to their hearts, just as Glasgow is hop,skip and jumping over the Commonwealth Games, and Liverpool is preparing for the forthcoming visit of the world famous Giants.

The Open had everyone talking and feeling part of something to be proud of.

I for one felt like a walking sat-nav when people stopped me in the street and asked me for directions.

One lady asked: “How do you get to the Hoylake Open?” and I said, “practice hard.”

Another visitor from Detroit asked me the whereabouts of “Hillbilly Island?” Roughly translated I pointed out it was Hilbre Island.

And while I was impressed by the organisation, it has helped me in my battle with insomnia (I lie awake worrying about it).

I used to count sheep – now I have a new method inspired by the busy Wirral roads… I just count traffic cones.

But while the Open had its supporters and enthusiasts, we must take the rough with the smooth. It is sad that there’s always someone out to ruin the day. Greedy ticket touts aside, there was a “fan” in the crowd continuously heckling Rory on his way to victory.

Thankfully, the cops showed him the error of his ways, along with the quickest route to the exit gate.

But back to this great golf gala. It has been eight years since it was here.

Wirral would welcome it back tomorrow with Open arms.

 

MANY thanks to those readers who have written to me about signs - good and bad - following my recent rant. Firstly, right on track is Merseytravel for their yellow “must read” stickers at railway stations.

“Keep on the right - hold on tight” is inspired No, this is not a Tory Party election slogan, but a safety message which tries to ensure travellers can get to their destination on time and without hindrance.

It also allows many commuters to get to their bus replacement services.

At last people are forming orderly queues and many have stopped blocking staircases, which helps during rush hours.

And happily, no one takes the message literally.

I refer to the sign saying “dogs must be carried on the escalator” - what happens if you don’t own one?

But my favourite is the one that has always confused me since I saw it in a London pub.

“FREE BEER TOMORROW”

When will I ever learn…?

 

THE Inferno was lost for words during these austere times to read in the Globe of the council bosses and senior officers who had forgotten that, when it comes to belt-tightening, we are all in this together.

I refer to the recent trek to the Local Government Association conference in Bournemouth. The gang of four spent £5,258 on the trip. Why didn’t they let the train take the strain?

Share a car pool or travel by coach? Instead, they travelled by plane. Surely this jaunt could have been planned months ago?

Has the finance department never heard of Super Savers?

Opposition councillors rightly pounced, saying it was a plane waste.

 

AND finally...There’s no end to a child’s evening imagination.

A mum and daughter were approaching a local Post Office when a neighbour came out and said: “It’s terrible inside – there’s a horrible queue.”

Walking on, a gentleman shook his head and said: “Don’t go in there now - there’s a really big queue.”

When they finally arrived at the Post Office door, the little girl refused to go in.

“I’m not going in there, Mummy…that nasty big queue monster will eat me.”

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