Kellie Maloney has admitted she is worried that getting back into boxing promoting will bring back her former self, Frank.
As Frank, Kellie was a renowned boxing promoter, but retired to become a woman two years ago and now that her transformation is complete, is turning back to the world where she had such success for 30 years.
She admitted: “I hope I’m wrong, but I’m frightened that this may bring back Frank.
“I’ve got Frank’s gritty, gutsy determination to thank for helping me survive the torment of feeling trapped in the wrong body, and getting me through the agonising process of becoming a woman, but I don’t want him dominating me again like he did.”
Kellie explained of her former self: “The torment he was going through made Frank angry, aggressive and selfish. So far I’ve kept him submerged and at bay and I hope the challenges of stepping back into his world – boxing – don’t bring him out again.
“I’m only taking the risk to prove to myself I can succeed as a woman in the sport I love. It’s the final piece in my complicated jigsaw.”
She added that her three daughters had told her in no uncertain terms that they did not want their old dad back.
“They have told me plainly, ‘We’ll make you walk away from boxing if Frank returns’,” she said.
“I’ve sworn to them that if he does, I’ll hang up my gloves and walk away. They say I’m a better dad now I’m Kellie because she’s calmer, more caring and with an empathy and understanding of people and they want to hang on to her.
“As Frank, I was lying and hiding the truth from them but now we’re so close which is such a relief because I feared they’d reject me when I came out as a woman.”
The former Celebrity Big Brother contestant went on: “Actually, I regard myself as a human being, but society needs these labels, so I call myself a transsexual and there are so many of us. Many like me are so unhappy they attempt suicide, as I did several times and some succeed, because they can’t cope with society’s lack of acceptance and respect. We certainly don’t have an easy path to tread.
“For me, every day for years I used to put on this suit called Frank Maloney and face the world, but inside I was a ticking-time bomb. I was a workaholic who liked nothing better than upsetting people because it helped release the pressure and frustration I felt because I couldn’t be the real me.
“I hurt so many people including my close family, which I feel really guilty about.”
Kellie Maloney: No Going Back is on Channel Five on June 4. Kellie Maloney’s autobiography Frankly Kellie (Blink Publishing) is published in August
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