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Instant Seagulls

12:43pm Wednesday 5th December 2007

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Having given-in to the torturous fragrances drifting across my bank's foyer from the nearby chip shop, I settled down on a wooden bench to contemplate the autumnal mist over the steel-grey River Dee whilst savouring this illicit meal.

Are seagulls able to teleport?

The very second I unwrapped the food, a gaggle of squawking gulls instantly appeared before me. I swear they were not there before.

Maybe there's a big spaceship up there somewhere, perhaps named The Starship Seagull-Surprise, with a crew whose job it is to spot outdoor diners. The ship has a telepad which can instantly transport an eager team of gulls. Squabbling over offered chips is only a subterfuge for a much deeper, darker plan.

Conspiracy theories welcomed!


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